Permission to say NO to Everything

There is a season in life to say "no". When you are in the thick of motherhood with little ones who need your full time and attention, and a house and a husband, and quite possibly a job on top of it all, dear good grief you do not have to go to your second cousin’s gender reveal party. Or your Uncle’s surprise 70th, or your in-law’s barbecue to meet their college roommates. Nothing if you don’t want to. I give you full permission, sweet lady.

A few months back when I was looking up ways to politely decline invitations to things without lying, I came across some helpful hints. But mostly I already knew. I just had to be brave enough to tell the truth. Lately I have sent a lot of texts and made a lot of phone-calls that go something like this:

“I’m so sorry, that sounds wonderful and we would love to be there, but we are stretched thin right now and need to stick to our schedule…”

Sometimes I even just say: “I’m sorry we’re not going to make it to that.”

No need to over-explain, no need to lie. Don’t lie. It never feels right, because it's not right.

You are a mother, darn it. The queen of your own castle. You have little people who are relying on you to be good, and well, and not overly-stressed, and in tune with THEIR needs- not everyone else's. If that is not more important than another gathering, I don’t know what is.

Yes, we love these people. Yes, their intentions are great and they want our company, but at the end of the day I am always happier that I have done something more laid back, more stress-free, and more in line with my own family’s needs. Life will go on and move forward, and in a less busy season of life, we will not be stretched so thin.

BUT, let this season teach you to stick with what is important and only that. My husband often reminds me of the story of Nehemiah rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem. Many neighboring leaders were plotting against him and kept sending messengers to distract him from his work. His reply was this:

“I am in the middle of a great work, and I can’t come down...”

So are you, Mama!

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This book helped me in my venture to slow down and say "no" more. It's a simply lovely read!

Check it our here!

Everything-but-the-kitchen-sink Smoothie for Kids!

This smoothie is my go-to power, nutrient, vitamin and mineral packed punch for my kiddos!

I make this about 3 mornings per week and set a timer for 6 minutes.

My oldest son is my pickiest eater, but even he has learned to take this down no problem. He has also learned that there is no use in whining and complaining, because we've been doing this for years. My younger three actually enjoy the smoothie, and I probably wouldn't even need to set a timer if it were not for the oldest.

And without further delay, here it is. Our Everything-but-the-kitchen-sink Smoothie:

(Makes about 3 large smoothies)

• 1 cup of frozen berries (strawberries, blueberries or mixed berries- whatever you have)

• 1 banana

• handful of kale (or baby kale/spinach mix is a little gentler)

• 2 raw egg yolks (good quality, local, unpasteurized eggs- ONLY the yolks)

• 2 tablespoons of flaxseed or flaxseed powder (I use this brand)

• 1 tablespoon of collagen hydrolysate (I love this brand!)

• 1 small cube of frozen raw, grass-fed beef liver (whhhaaat? yes, I said raw beef liver. If you don't know all of the benefits of raw, grass-fed organ meats, check it out!)

• 1/2 cup of cultured, unsweetened yogurt (optional for creamer texture) or a few ice cubes for icier texture

• 1 1/2 cups of raw milk

• 1/2 cup of whatever, good-quality juice

• maaaybe 3 drops of liquid stevia to sweeten the deal- or a half scoop of this powder which I sometimes buy for myself.

Yes, this smoothie really does have everything but the kitchen sink!

But I find that it's extremely easy to throw together with what I already have on hand.  

We are a pretty laid-back family and as long as my kids are getting good nutrients into their body on a regular basis, then I am relatively lax on what they eat when we are out and about, at restaurants or gatherings. And by the grace of God, we have all remained very healthy!!

I hope this recipe helps to bring nourishment to your family as well. Cheers!

How To Show Your Son Respect and Why It WORKS!

A common occurrence began this morning in my home. I could hear my oldest two children bickering back and forth. Whenever I go to break up the argument and tell them to be kind to each other, here are the typical responses I get:

Younger Sister (in whiny voice): 

• "He's being mean to me!"

• "He said I'm being wimpy!"

• "He called me a brat (or something worse)."

Older Brother (in irritated voice):

• "She's being such a wimp!"

• "She's so whiny!"

• "You always favor her and yell at me!"

• "You don't hear how she really is when you and Dad aren't around."

But for some reason a different approach came over me this morning. I've been reading Mother & Sons, the respect effect, by Emerson Eggerichs. This book has made me more conscientious of the way I speak to my son, using terms of respect and honor. Terms that speak to his masculine heart. 

So I pulled his aside and said this instead:

"Buddy, God made girls to be very responsive and men to be leaders. It is this way with me and Daddy as well. Your sister will respond to your leadership. Even if she is being bratty, you take the lead as the man. Be thoughtful and kind and put her needs above your own, and I promise you that she will catch on to that. And she will bend over backward to be 10x as nice to you. That's how girls are made. God made us to be responsive to your leadership."

And something amazing happened. He nodded his head and said, "Okay, Mom."

Not the usual arguing or frustration that 'Mom just does NOT understand.'

And that's the kind of respect talk I am learning from this book. And it's sparking life and responsiveness in my son in a way I have never seen before.

...

Now here I am several weeks later and feeling a tug on my heart to finish this article. BECAUSE, this morning as I am doing my quiet time with God, my son behind me brushing his teeth and getting ready for soccer camp, I decided to open up another respect-talk conversation. I spun around in my chair, took him by the hands and said:

"First of all, I want you to know I'm proud of you. I'm proud of your consistency in waking up early and getting yourself prepared for camp all of these mornings so far. And I'm also very proud about your performance at camp. I can see that you're getting more muscular and fit!

Also, I know now that you are a teenager and with the oldest group at camp, that you are around kids who are swearing and probably doing all kinds of bad things to try to be cool. But I want you to know that I believe in you and the young man that God is creating you to be. A young man of honor."

He looked to the side and nodded and understood. And a second later right before he walked out the door, he spun around and told me some goofy story from camp with a big smile on his face. He was energized. And then he said a quick, "thank you" as he walked away. "Thank you"? From my 14-year old? Unsolicited? These words as a knee-jerk reaction (rather than having to think about his manners or what he should say), well, so so rare. And NOT a coincidence. 

I believe my words spoke to his masculine heart. They sparked something, and he responded. 

And for me, I am learning that this is something I must cultivate and learn, because it does not come naturally to me. 

The loving part? Well, yes of course! Loving my family is my native tongue! But the respect talk? God is continuing to teach me. 

And if you have a heart to see your son grow into an honorable young man, and would like to open up better communication between the two of you- I would highly recommend focusing on this approach!

Based on Vicki Courtney’s book “5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son”.

A one-page sheet highlighting the main bullet points.

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SAHM Summer Focus: Healthier Bodies, Healthier Minds, Healthier Habits

Summer is here!! I have been DREAMING about these lazy early summer weeks with my kids, before camps, vacations, or anything else begins. I love late June for precisely that reason. It is slow going.  Trips to the library, the local beach, and plenty of time for the kids to laze around the house and play pretend with each other. With a very busy spring schedule, we have been in desperate need of this time together.

For the past several weeks I have been thinking up ideas and trying to plan out some goals for our summer. But after some nice quiet reflection this morning, I have decided to keep everything very simple. Rather than come up with individual goals for each child (I have 4), I've decided to keep the focus the same for all of us: Healthier bodies, healthier minds and healthier habits. Here is my game plan:

HEALTHIER BODIES

With our busy spring schedule and end of the school year sprint, our eating habits have taken a hit. I've relied on Lara Bars, chips and fruit a little too much, and I've said "sure" to too many sweets at all of these spring time gatherings. It's definitely time for a re-boot. My kids are all in need of more savory and nutritionally dense foods, and less empty carb, snacky foods. So here is my plan:

• More veggies (we all need this!)

• Morning smoothies at least 2-3 times per week (frozen berries, banana, kale, raw egg yolk, a little cultured yogurt, splash of raw milk, small splash of fresh organic juice, and maybe a very small piece of frozen beef liver- shhhhh don't tell me kids!) Surprisingly this smoothie is pretty good, as the fruit flavor and creaminess of the banana and yogurt dominate!

• Morning bone broth and/or miso soup 2-3 times per week. If you don't know all of the great benefits of bone broth or miso soup yet, look them up!

• Grass-fed beef sticks! This is the best way to get my two-year-old and my fourteen-year-old (my two pickiest eaters) to eat more good quality meat. This brand is amazing!

• Raw cheese to snack on. This is one that all of my kids love!

So that is the plan. Simply to take out some of the empty, sugary/carb snack, and add in the more savory, nutritious food.

HEALTHIER MINDS

I've already informed my kids that we will be putting away electronic devices for the next month. They can watch World Cup soccer matches and the occasional movie or show when Mom says so. If you haven't experienced the attitude benefit of taking away screen time for at least a week, I highly recommend trying it. It's astounding. We are two days in and I have already seen a big attitude shift with my older two. Another great benefit is that it makes kids hungrier for entertainment in the forms of creative play and reading. Also, it is a great time to introduce an educational show series that they can really get into (and they will because they're desperate, lol!) For the past couple of summers my kids have gotten into Where in The World Is Carmen Sandiego, and I am currently on the hunt for something similar in entertainment and educational value (If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear from you!) Here are a few other ways that I will be focusing on building healthier minds for my children this summer:

• Morning prayer time together. We desperately need Jesus in this house. It's so simple but I love gathering up my babies in the morning hours on our living room floor to pray together. We ask God to cover our home, help us love him whole-heartily, and love and be kind to each other. Amen! Sometimes I will follow up with a short scripture and talk quickly about the meaning. Very simple, easy, and on-the-fly!

• The library! I love a good weekly trip to the library where we can all pick up books that we are interested in reading. Our library has a great online feature, which makes it possibly to get our hands on basically any book we want through library share! (Or book on CD!) And we can put books on hold in advance a few days before going. Two summers ago we all got into Roald Dahl books on CD, and probably listened to about 6 of them that summer together in the car. I've also taken out some of the latest Christian books on CD for my alone time in the car. I encourage you to check out your local library, instead of buying books on Amazon. You can save a ton!

• I always make joint or separate learning bins for the kids. So at any given time I can say: "Spend some time doing something from your learning bin!" Past and present learning bins have included these items:

  • Mad libs

  • Fun books

  • Pattern Play

  • Snap Circuits

  • This book with various roles of colored duct tape.

  • An old telephone, clock, or toaster with screwdriver to disassemble

  • Whatever eles you can imagine!

Side-note: This summer I am very excited to read this book with my 14-year old son! It is originally offered as a class in classical education, but because he won't be able to take this as a class in school, we are going to read this book together in bits and pieces! (I just reserved it at the library:-)

HEALTHIER HABITS

This is a big one that we are all in need of, including myself! And this is the only thing  my kids actually know we are focusing on (the first two will just be integrated in without them really knowing). Rising up out of bed with good attitudes, kindness, cheerful obedience and good work ethic. It is a tall order, but I am really praying that we experience growth in this area as a family. I myself am in need of more self-discipline in the morning. More resilience and self-control when it comes to moving forward in healthy habits, and not letting my emotions or moods get the better of me. I really want to train my kids to operate more this way, but I find it hard when I am not "there" myself. We have figured out that hard work in the morning is good for my oldest son and helps set a better tone for the day. I am really praying for his heart and mind this summer, as he is 14, and I think by God's grace, did not get the job he applied to this summer. He already has a small lawn-mowing business, but for now, he gets to spend most of the day home with me. This will probably be the last summer in which this is the case, and I'm really asking God to do a lot of work in adjusting the areas of his heart that are selfish, wayward, prideful or resistant to cheerful obedience. Would you pray for him? And for me, that I would know how to mother him well? Where to let go and where to lean in? How to respond, and how to love? Oh, and this reminds me! My sister sent me a fabulous book for Mom & Son relationships. It's pure gold if you are struggling at all to parent your son of any age!

I hope these goals help you to shape and dream up your own summer goals for you and your family. Cheers to love, health and lazy summer days!

A Letter To My Future Daughter-in-law

Please have patience with my son. I know that you see him as a strong man, and he loves showing off for you. This precious little boy was once my everything. My days were consumed with care for him. I watched him run around and play, and I kissed his boo-boos when he was hurt. I trained him to pick up his toys, share, be kind, use the potty and eat his vegetables (the best I could, anyway). There were days when I wanted to ship him off for someone else to deal with, and other days when my heart felt so much love for him I thought it would pop. I watched his little face asleep, and dreamed of who God made him to be. As he got older, I had to give him a little more freedom, let him make some mistakes and fight for him moor on my knees. I wanted him to love God more than anything and make the right decisions in light of that. I still want that- but he is human and a sinner just like we all are.

I'm writing this letter to you because I want you to know a few things:

1. First off, I realize that you have your own unique story. You were a girl once and loved dearly and tenderly by some special people. And I'm sure you have been hurt as well. Living on this planet seems to do that, and I'm so sorry for whatever unfair, harsh treatment you have suffered at the hands of careless or mean people. I hope to be someone in your life who will love you, affirm you, and help add to your healing and wholeness.

2. I see you as just as valuable a person as my son- and my prayer is to view and love you both as one. God's design is that you ARE one.

3. I will be FOR your marriage. I learned in my own premarital counseling that when there is a problem in your marriage, it is best to seek counsel from godly, trustworthy friends OUTSIDE of your extended family. And for many reasons, I believe that is the best way. But I want you to know that we are here for THE BOTH OF YOU. And when hardships arise, we will do our best to offer sound, Christ-centered advice that is FOR your marriage. God is FOR your marriage and so are we. And we will also do our best to adhere to the boundaries your family puts in place.

4. Put up boundaries. The  beginning of your marriage is a fragile and precious time of getting to know one another, and growing in Christ's love together as one. Keep your heart and ears open and aimed at Jesus. Limit distractions and people who pull you toward what is not good for your heart and marriage, Be patient, loving but firm in your convictions. I will respect your boundaries.

I pray we can grow in patience and love toward one another- and that those same traits will spread throughout our family as it grows. We love you sweet lady, and I'm SO happy you are the one God chose for our son.

All my love always,

Mom 

Mom of Boys

Oh my heart today. As I sat in that little wooden half-dome in the play room, and watch T walking around with his "tool", trying to "fix things" for me.

Oh my heart is splattered. This responsibility of being a mom to this boy- all the boys; my heart throbs and I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to go into a numb funk and forget this important focus:

The heart of my boys, my husband included, loves to serve me!

They want to see me smile big and proud and say things like, "Great job!!" and "Thank you SO much!!" and "Wow, you are so strong and so good at that."

I know because as I say those things my two-year-old runs quickly to the next thing to "fix it" as fast as he can. And he says, "I fix for you, Mom." My. Heart.

I know because my oldest son tells me for almost the first five minutes of every car-ride home from school about all of his amazing feats in gym class and recess. How many 3-point shots he made and how he made the winning play for the team. He wants me to know all of his victories and triumphs so I can say: "Wow, great job, buddy." And I know I need to work on it more with this one. How do I encourage his heart in the right ways? Toward good. God, I need your help here and I don't want to forget. 

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and my husband has been telling me for 3 days straight that I can go spend $100 at the store, and buy myself a new purse. Everyday he reminds me (as if I would forget:)- and I was almost tempted to get annoyed at him for trying to use the same thing to rack up invisible points (they always want the points, you know). He kept saying the same kind of thing:

"I want you to have a nice bag that you really like. Something nice. Something you will love."

"I got it!!" I wanted to say.

Oh, shame on me. This is a boy, grown into a man with that same heart that just wants to please me. He takes pleasure in serving me and watching my reaction. Oh God, please give me the right reactions and responses! Help me to be good to these precious, precious hearts that you've called me to love and serve. Open my eyes to SEE their intentions and desires. Help me to not be too distracted, but to notice when and what I need to notice. And please, help me to be KIND.

Galatians 5:22-23