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The First Week (for my friends)
Tomorrow I will quietly start homeschooling my kids.
I have no elaborate schedule made and my refrigerator is almost empty until next pay day.
I don’t have a big organizational binder or any outings planned.
Two days ago I cried as I was putting together my daughter’s Essentials binder for Classical Conversations. It was complicated and felt overwhelming for a first-timer.
I cried because I never want her to be the child who is ill-prepared. That was me. And also because I’ve had some health issues that effect my concentration and memory at times. I was picturing myself in our first CC class meeting, not understanding or being able to remember how to do anything by the time we get home.
My health has also taken a tole on my energy and appearance. I am on the mend, but have had so many ups and downs this summer alone. The lows leave me in a tailspin and sometimes I get caught staring in the mirror at my protruding stomach or red, inflamed face.
I don’t want to compare myself to other women but it’s just flat hard not too sometimes. I’ve worked so hard to heal my body and restore my health, and when I see other women who seem so naturally healthy and energetic, I tend to feel envious.
We are all fighting different battles as women and as mothers, and sometimes we feel we are on the verge of being swallowed alive.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” -2 Cor 4:8-9
I’ve found this scripture to be so true that you can lie down and rest on it.
I’ve not been able to be all things to all people, but God has sustained me to be a wife to my husband and a mom to my children- praise God!
I’m certainly not a perfect one, not even close, but even in the midst of hardship he makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside quiet waters. He is surely still leading me.
And what I felt like God impressed on my heart today was this:
Just plan the first week.
So that’s what I’m doing tonight.
Instead of working myself into a knot trying to plan out our entire schedule perfectly- I am planning our first week of homeschool.
He has also been using other moms to remind me to slow down and enjoy this homeschool year with my kids. Instead of fretting how much we get done- to just spend time with my children, go for walks as we recite our memory work- just slow down and be with them.
I always thought that was floofy talk.
But as someone who has been hell-bent on her own version of perfection for far too long- being in the moment with my kids sounds lovely. It sounds like life.
My friends, please pray for me that God can keep my focus on my priorities: Him and my family for starters.
That instead of worrying about what my house and my body look like- that I would use those very tools to love and teach and bless the people God has entrusted to me.
Please Jesus, reward and bless all of the Moms who fear you and who keep pressing forward, however weary, as all of the fears, lies and jealousies fight for our attention.
Thank you that you are still in control of this world even when we are tempted to think otherwise.
Please help us to rely on YOU, to know YOU more, and to guard our hearts as we walk peacefully on the path you’ve laid out before us.
And please fill us with your Holy Spirit so we can bear your fruits along the way!!
He leads me by still waters:-)
When You’re NOT Crushing It
I want to be the happy, excited, well-balanced Mom who is cute and composed. Gray hairs freshly covered, manicured hands, glowing make-up, cute outfit, clean car, on time- all of it. I want to be crushing Mom life.
This morning I ate pistachio ice cream for breakfast. A new low of sorts. For 9 months I ate healthy and clean with an occasional splurge. I dropped baby weight like it was my job. My skin looked clear and my eyes bright. Then _________ threw me off. We can each fill in that blank differently- and I know just what it was for me.
I don't want to write this post. I don't want to be in a failing place. Being successful, and looking like it has
I want to be the happy, excited, well-balanced Mom who is cute and composed.
Gray hairs freshly covered, manicured hands, glowing make-up, cute outfit, clean car, on time- all of it. I want to be crushing Mom life.
This morning I ate pistachio ice cream for breakfast.
A new low of sorts.
For 9 months I ate healthy and clean with an occasional splurge. I dropped baby weight like it was my job. My skin looked clear and my eyes bright.
Then _________ threw me off.
We can each fill in that blank differently- and I know just what it was for me.
I don't want to write this post. I don't want to be in a failing place.
Being successful, and looking like it has somewhat of a hold on me. And after all, nobody needs to know I ate ice cream for breakfast.
So why did I tell you?
To let you know that you're not alone.
You're not alone in KNOWING all the right things to do- but still sabotaging it somehow.
You are not alone in wanting to be the Mom who is crushing it- and maybe feeling like you are that Mom at times, but somehow finding yourself back here at other times. You are not alone in swallowing your anger or hurt when some other Mom is talking about her successes, and you feel so far away from yours.
I don't want to flop and fail my way through life.
I'm not one of those women who gets her kicks from being able to be completely honest about all of her failures, and connect with other women in the same boat. Crying and patting eachother on the back and making the same mistakes over and over and over, with no progress. That is not my club.
In fact, to be honest, sometimes people's lack of change and growth downright annoys me. I want to be like, "Get it together, woman!" And I have judged and thought I know better.
But I know in these moments that the hurt and emptiness and difficulty of life can run SO deep.
And sometimes this role as Mom feels like it's dragging you outside by the hair and kicking you over and over while you cry for mercy.
And I know we are all battling.
We are battling to know what requires an emotional shift, a spiritual shift, or a physical shift.
Even that little skinny thing in your Instagram feed, showing off her ab muscles, she struggles inside of herself. Probably not with eating ice cream for breakfast, but I promise you that she too, at times feels the darkness of a self that she doesn't want to be anymore.
So what do we do?
We don't have the time to map it all out and think it all through.
And we don't always have the restraint to hold back from taking it out on our husbands because we are not really sure how much of this is his fault.
So where do we go with all of this?
All of the lack, and hurt and with everything in our life that we want to upgrade?
We go to the only place we can go. The best place. The place wide open for our mistakes.
The feet of Jesus.
Don't be annoyed with this answer. DO IT!
Talk to him about everything, today, right now. THAT is your answer. And it's mine too- and you better believe I'm heading there right now!
A Few Free Resources you might love!♥
Putting Your Man In God’s Hands >> FREE 5-DAY GUIDE
Healing Your Heart When Your Family-of-Origin was Broken by Divorce >> FREE E-COURSE
Give a Shape to Your Dream >> FREE MINI-COURSE
How to Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage (Physical and Emotional)
There is nothing on earth like being fully loved.♥
It’s what we dream about from the time we are little girls!
Then we grow up and realize that reality is brutal.
Men are typically not delicate with women and things don’t work like they do in fairy tales. (Hang tight, we’re coming back to this!)
Now I’m almost 40 and most married couples I know don’t even touch eachother.
There is so much hurt and unmet expectation.
It is not even in them to put a hand lovingly on their spouse’s leg.
It is clear to me that we were created to do things much differently then we’re doing them.
So, if you are still flexible and optimistic enough to want BETTER for your own marriage, and if you are humble enough to look at things differently- you are in the PERFECT space to grow and increase intimacy in your marriage.
There is nothing on earth like being fully loved.♥
It’s what we dream about from the time we are little girls!
Then we grow up and realize that reality is brutal.
Men are typically not delicate with women and things don’t work like they do in fairy tales. (Hang tight, we’re coming back to this!)
Now I’m almost 40 and most married couples I know don’t even touch eachother.
There is so much hurt and unmet expectation.
It is not even in them to put a hand lovingly on their spouse’s leg.
It is clear to me that we were created to do things much differently then we’re doing them.
So, if you are still flexible and optimistic enough to want BETTER for your own marriage, and if you are humble enough to look at things differently- you are in the PERFECT space to grow and increase intimacy in your marriage.
These are the 3 best tips I know: ♥
1. Cultivate a deep and personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Use it to pray for your man.
Don’t gloss over this point. Please.
Your spirit is THE REAL YOU and will set the tone for everything else in your life, especially your marriage.
Most women make the mistake of thinking that their spouse is suppose to make them happy, and that he should be the source of feeling truly and deeply loved!
Not so, my dear!
I know from experience.
I’ve lived it both ways.
I use to be so reliant on my man to keep me happy and my well-being was always based on our current status. It was exhausting!
I never had real peace because I never knew when the next “incident” or “let down” would come.
That’s no way to live!
Relying on a flawed man to keep you happy all the time will only lead to a constant state of disappointment.
It wasn’t until I learned to put my man in God’s hands, and seek God for myself, that my heart and my love life really began to change.
There is NOTHING on earth like forming a personal relationship with Jesus through honest prayer and reading his word.
My relationship with God is stronger and more special than my relationship with my husband and that is the way it should be.
It keeps me safe and peaceful.
Prayer, and talking to Jesus about your marriage is a million times more powerful than complaining to your husband yet again.
When I stopped trying to control, and started praying for my husband is when everything began to change.
I found the freedom to enjoy my man!
Here is my favorite scripture to pray for my husband:
“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”
I have watched God bring this scripture to life in my husband, before my very eyes!
Prayer works!
Seeking God works!
Don’t think of it as a side note- it is EVERYTHING!
2. Break the yucky cycle.
Here is the yucky cycle:
Without physical intimacy, he reacts by withholding emotional intimacy- without emotional intimacy she reacts by withholding physical intimacy.
Are you stuck in this yucky cycle?
You better believe that is exactly where the enemy wants to keep you!
Why? Because everyday you go without physical intimacy in your marriage, is a day closer to your marriage dying on the vine.
It’s true.
There is an unspoken language that takes place in the bedroom between a husband and wife that goes deeper than anything words could say.
And you better believe the enemy wants to keep you apart!
Stop thinking about sex in a worldly way. Take the time to heal your mind.
It is very hard for us to not keep score and hold back physical intimacy- but if we submit and surrender in this way, we will find it is the very thing that rekindles the love we are looking for from our spouse.
If you’ve not read the book Love and Respect, there is no other book I can recommend more highly for you marriage.
This book talks more about The Crazy Cycle and will help you find you bearings in your marriage.
3. Humility and Humor
Most people don’t know how to apologize.
But once you muster up the humility to do it once- a new freedom floods in!
It gets easier each time.
Do you know how to apologize?
Do you know how to laugh at yourself?
Marriage is the most helpful tool to humble us in these ways!
As women we need to just sometimes laugh at ourselves for the anger and frustrations that just bubbles over at times.
There are times that I look at my husband and feel so annoyed or angry, AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY!
We need to be able to laugh about these things, and about the kids being little buttheads, and about gray hairs- or else we will go mad!
Humility to not need to be perfect.
We often have this vision of who we want to be- financially, physically and just what we want our life to be like.
And let’s be honest, we are falling short.
And let’s be honest again- we want to blame our husband for this much of the time.
It’s a good thing to cry and laugh, and share those vulnerable moments with your husband. He loves you.
And the truth is that God has you in the very position you are in because he wants to soften and mature you. He wants you to let go of materialistic and selfish motives, and go to HIS feet for fulfillment.
Maybe he needs to mature you enough to handle with grace the very blessing you are hoping for!
Our culture has trained us to expect so much from each-other- rather than to give so much grace!
Let the culture in your home different. Let it be one of grace, humility and closeness- with lots of touchy-feely love! ♥
A COUPLE FREE RESOURCES YOU MIGHT LOVE! ♡
Putting Your Man in God’s Hands
A 5-DAY GUIDE TO HELP YOU:
Let go of control and become the woman you’ve always wanted to be.
Have the courage to believe God’s word above your feelings.
Find the blessing of doing less
Cultivate the power of Respect
Learn how to draw up appropriate boundaries in your marriage.
Healing Your Heart When Your Family-of-Origin was Broken by Divorce
Pin for later! ♡
What to do when intimacy has ceased in your marriage
This is a very difficult place to be.
Have you ever seen the kid's movie Madagascar?
If so, you'll remember that from the time the four main characters (Marty, Melvin, Gloria & Alex) get onto the island, they don't eat anything. Nothing. Not until the very end of the movie when the shifty penguins introduce them to sushi, do they finally fill their hunger.
This is a very difficult place to be.
Have you ever seen the kid's movie Madagascar?
If so, you'll remember that from the time the four main characters (Marty, Melvin, Gloria & Alex) get onto the island, they don't eat anything.
Nothing.
Not until the very end of the movie when the shifty penguins introduce them to sushi, do they finally fill their hunger.
Every time I watch that movie, I am so bothered the entire time by the fact that they haven't eaten anything, I can hardly enjoy the movie.
There is just an uneasy undercurrent in my mind, because, THEY NEED TO EAT SOMETHING! (It must either be the mother, or the Italian in me).
I have this same feeling when I'm speaking to a woman who has told me that she and her husband are not (or are very rarely) being intimate.
She may have moved on to talk about other things, but my mind is stuck in one place.
Even if she starts telling me about other good things that are going on in her life, there is a siren going off in the back of my mind: DANGER, DANGER, NO SEX, DANGER.
So I often try to gently bring the conversation back around, because this is my thing and I genuinely want to help.
But it's a touchy subject, and I'm often shrugged off, I think for three reasons:
1. It's too personal
2. Women often don't realize what a big deal this is.
3. They dread the thought of facing up to the problems, or changing in that area.
I suspect it's usually a little bit of each.
If you are a woman struggling in this area, I would be so honored if you would allow me the privilege of speaking to your heart for just a moment.
First of all, I want to recognize your heart and who you are.
I don't know you, but I know that marriage advice can feel so much like it ignores your unique situation and the ways you feel mistreated.
If you are not giving yourself sexually to your husband- chances are it's because you feel that your own needs have gone completely overlooked for a long time.
You can tell through your husband's actions and words that he does not really care about your heart.
He has not cherished you, tried to pursue you, has been careless and maybe even downright mean to you.
And pulling back from a man who has not shown true care is about the most natural thing in the world. I understand just where you are coming from!
But I'm going to take a bet on you.
If you are still reading this, I am going to bet that you are a woman after genuine change and healing. Even if the idea scares you, the fact that you're reading this article tells me that you are not just content with this separation from your husband. You want more.
And I'm praying that as you continue reading this, your heart would be flooded with an unknown compassion and understanding about your husband.
I pray that the humblest part of yourself will grasp on to the truths you need to hear- because I really do believe that God wants to heal your heart and marriage, and I'm really hoping you will allow it to happen.
What is sex to a man?
For a man, sex is the primary way he feels accepted and expresses intimacy.
The same way that for most of us women, acceptance and intimacy are felt through good communication, feeling loved and understood- for men, that comes through sex.
If your husband were not speaking to you AT ALL, you would probably completely shut down.
If you and your husband are not being intimate, that is why he has completely shut down to you.
Maybe he is there, day in and day out, doing the physical acts of commitment, but his heart is far away.
(If you are physically unable to be intimate with your husband, please read this.)
If your husband were not speaking to you AT ALL, it might take a little while, but something would eventually spark that part of you that was being ignored: a romance novel, romance movies, someone who you really feel understands you- all of these are unhealthy alternatives to your husband.
Maybe you are there already.
If there is no intimacy happening with your husband, there is a good chance he has found another outlet in masturbation and maybe pornography as well.
That is just the truth- and these things, of course, only divide you further.
Neither of you is winning.
But here is the question that will make all of the difference in the world.
The question that 9 out of 10 times will determine whether your marriage will ultimately thrive or fail.
Are YOU willing to humble yourself?
Are you willing to go to God with your sins and shortcomings, stop fighting against your husband with the huge case you have built against him- turn on your heels and head in a different direction.
The high road where you stand with God and let him do the fighting in your marriage for you.
That might sound overly-simple, but as someone who has counseled many women in relationships over the years, I can tell you that:
Humility is ALWAYS the make or break factor.
Will you allow yourself to fall on the rock and be shattered, as the scripture says, or will you continue to try to push through in your own strength, ignore what God says to you, and ultimately be crushed?
I know this is a harsh truth, but we need to speak the truth to each other in love! And this is it, girl.
As a sister in Christ I want to challenge you to see the bigger picture: The enemy is after your marriage (all of ours!).
More than any other relationship on the planet, marriage can paint the best and most beautiful picture of sacrificial, Christ-like love. And your marriage being whole and healed would not only mean your home and children thriving-
you have no idea what a ray of light a thriving marriage shoots out into the world for God's glory.
Not only that, but a thriving marriage that has survived through hardship is THE MOST gratifying and rewarding earthly blessing!
But the beginning of a healthy marriage is a healthy heart.
And healing a broken marriage requires 3 steps on your part:
1. You need to begin acting respectfully toward your husband.
If you're not even sure what that looks like or why that's important, start here.
2. You need to start cultivating DEEP intimacy with God.
This will be the only thing that saves you.
This needs to be your outlet!
The place you release all of your hurts and feelings. The place to "tell on your husband", and leverage the power of prayer to ask God to begin to change both you and your husband's hearts.
Prayer is your ONLY weapon here. But thank God it is THE most powerful thing on the planet.
I can attest to the power of prayer in my own life and marriage, and it has worked miracles! It is why I created this free resource!
3. Commit to resume intimacy with your husband.
There is just a language that is spoken between a man and woman in intimacy, that can not be spoken any other way. Period.
It has the power to heal and change your marriage from the roots like nothing else!
Don’t just be willing to stay in a sexless marriage.
What the enemy intended for evil for your marriage, God can use for good.
Oh, please believe this today about your own story. Yours.
It can be made into something you can't even imagine now!
All of the pain, all of the hurt, all of the brokenness caused to you by your husband (unintentionally), and by others (maybe very intentionally)-
all of that brokenness you carry around inside of you from your past, that nobody else in the world understands.
God sees you and he knows!
And he is calling you close to himself. And I believe that somewhere deep inside, you know it!
Don't let go, don't lose heart.
Can you stick around for a little bit and take a look at some things I believe can help you as you start on this new path in your marriage?
A couple Free resources you might love! ♡
Putting Your Man in God’s Hands
A 5-day guide to help you:
Let go of control and become the woman you’ve always wanted to be.
Have the courage to believe God’s word above your feelings.
Find the blessing of doing less
Cultivate the power of Respect
Learn how to draw up appropriate boundaries in your marriage.
Healing Your Heart When Your Family-of-origin Was Broken by Divorce
Pin for later!♡
How To Treat Your Husband Like a Man (It's all about respect)
Respect is everything to a man.
I had no idea what this even meant until I picked up the book: Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires. The Respect He Desperately Needs.
God dropped this little book into my hands at the exact right moment and it literally saved my marriage.
It taught me that the same way that MY primary need in a relationship is love, my husband's primary need is respect.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading and I was amazed I had never noticed it before.
That the key to my man’s heart was respect (not love).
I couldn’t wait to try it out.
Respect is everything to a man.
I had no idea what this even meant until I picked up the book: Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires. The Respect He Desperately Needs.
God dropped this little book into my hands at the exact right moment and it literally saved my marriage.
It taught me that the same way that MY primary need in a relationship is love, my husband's primary need is respect.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading and I was amazed I had never noticed it before.
That the key to my man’s heart was respect (not love).
I couldn’t wait to try it out.
I can honestly say that our next phone call was THE turning point in our relationship.
I learned how to speak to my man in a way that built him up and showed admiration. I implemented the tips that the book suggested, and even though it felt so weird and unnatural at first- it changed the course of our entire marriage!
“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” –Ephesians 5:33
Notice this scripture doesn’t tell wives to love their husbands, and do you know why? Because it comes naturally to us!
We are lovers!!!
But while we may be good at showing our husbands unconditional love, we tend to show them very conditional respect.
And we usually don’t even realize we’re doing it!
But if we would listen to the deepest cry of a man’s heart, we would see that it’s not the same as ours.
What men are usually crying out for is respect.
So here are some practical ways to show respect to your husband:
1. Admire him, support him and be his biggest fan.
In Eggerichs’ book he talks about how a husband wants his wife to be like his cheerleader, like when she was first getting to know him.
Noticing when he does something worthy of praise, listening with admiration to his dreams, and just reassuring him of her approval.
Men feed off of positive affirmation and we need to put time and effort into doing this. Letting a man know he is admired and affirming him means everything to him!!
2. Squash the negative talk.
With men, what you focus on will flourish, so talk him up!!
Talk him up to your family, your friends, you children and to him. Verbal praise goes a LONG way!
And if there is an issue where you need help or advice, go to godly people for godly advice.
Nothing kills respect quicker than negative talk or talking about someone behind their back.
3. Be on his team.
If you are on his team, he will open up and draw close to you.
If you are always accusing him, he will pull away.
Your husband is an imperfect human being and makes lots of mistakes, no doubt.
Lust is a huge issue that men typically battle with. Even good men.
A lot of women make the mistake of using disrespect to try to get their man to open up to them. But disrespect makes a man shrink away and close up toward you. It sends the message that you’re not on his team.
For a long time, I made the mistake of poking, prodding and trying to get my husband to confess all kinds of things, and it always made him pull away and become defensive.
It wasn’t until I learned to put him in God’s hands, that I was able to find the peace, be on his team and encourage him to be a better man.
Just as hasty disrespect makes a man close up, wise and well-intentioned respect helps a man to open up.
If you want to dig deeper into this concept, and learn more practical techniques to show respect to your husband- or if you want to dive into a book that will help you both to be better in meeting eachothers’ needs- I would highly recommend reading: Love and Respect.
In closing, I pray that you would have the humility to implement these principals in your marriage.
That you would allow yourself to soften as a woman and wife, and allow God to bring your thinking into a more beautiful and bright place.
And that you would experience a plentiful harvest as a reward!!
“When a wife respects her husband she does not become a doormat, in fact, he starts rolling out the red carpet for her.”- Emmerson Eggerichs
Free Resource You Might Love!
Putting Your Man in God’s Hands
a FREE 5-day guide to help you:
Let go of control and become the woman you’ve always wanted to be.
Have the courage to believe God’s word above your feelings.
Find the blessing of doing less
Cultivate the power of Respect
Learn how to draw up appropriate boundaries in your marriage.
What to do when intimacy has ceased in your marriage
Pin for later!♥
Best Outfits for The Modern Homemaker
The BEST outfit we can “put on” as modern day homemakers is a gentle and quiet spirit. ♥
1Peter 3:1-6 says this:
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”
This scripture reminds us that what is TRULY important as a woman-of-God, is what is inside of our heart, rather than what is on the outside.
The BEST outfit we can “put on” as modern day homemakers is a gentle and quiet spirit. ♥
1Peter 3:1-6 says this:
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”
This scripture reminds us that what is TRULY important as a woman-of-God, is what is inside of our heart, rather than what is on the outside.
The world continually tries to pressure us to focus on our exterior selves, fashion and wardrobe, rather than the condition of our heart, and we must fight against that by spending time with God daily, and allowing Him to adjust our perspective.
This is GREAT news because:
Even if you can’t afford brand new clothes, you can still be beautiful
Without spending a dime you have the tools to be attractive to your husband in the ways that win his heart the most.
God has supplied all you need and it is within your reach to be a beautiful, godly woman and model that to your children.
I want you to know all of these things before we focus on the exterior!
What to wear as a sahm
Now, we are ladies, and it is FUN to look nice!
And it is SUCH a blessing that we get to stay home with our babies!
But figuring out what to wear as a sahm can be a little daunting. So without further delay, here are my favorite staples to have in my closet as a modern homemaker.
These items allow me to be fashionable, comfortable and put-together- and I hope this list gives you the inspiration you’re looking for, my dear!! ♥
Soft Dresses
Flowy Tops
Comfy Skirts
Dressed-up Cozies
Simple Jewelry
Note: If you really love one or more of these items and want to find out where to purchase, I would suggest saving the image on Pinterest and then using Pinterest’s Visual Search Tool to track down the purchase info!
More Resources You Might Love!♥
Etiquette for Boys & Girls!
Putting Your Man in God’s Hands >> FREE E-BOOK
Pin for later!
Inner Child Healing for The Christian Woman
The Inner Child is another name for the embodiment of concealed emotions and damage done to you by negative childhood experiences.
This usually involves the relationship dynamic (or lack thereof) with your parents.
We have all had bad experiences in our childhood, some more than others, and there are a lot of ways that these relational experiences affect us and manifest in our adult life.
The Inner Child is another name for the embodiment of concealed emotions and damage done to you by negative childhood experiences.
This usually involves the relationship dynamic (or lack thereof) with your parents.
If you are a Christian woman looking to identify and heal your inner child issues, but want to steer of going down an ungodly “rabbit-trail”, you are in the right place, my dear!
The first step to inner child healing is to identify what happened to you.
If you are new to this process and have not yet taken steps to bring these issues to the surface in a safe, Christian context, I’ve created a free e-course called Healing Your Heart When Your Family of Origin Was Broken By Divorce, to help you through this process.
No two stories are exactly the same, but I can assure you of this:
Growing up without solid primary examples to model a healthy marriage, relationships, priorities and life balance, leaves us each to come away with our own mixed-bag of quirky, self-sabotaging tendencies.
And although we have grown up and moved on from our past, these issues will usually show up in our most important and close relationships, with the people we are called to love and nurture.
More than anywhere else, they show up in our own marriage.
my own inner-child Marriage issues
Now again, we are all different here, each with our own unique stories and heartaches.
Because of what I went through as a preteen and teenager, I was manifesting behaviors consistent with childhood emotional neglect and parentification (If you are not familiar with parentification, check out this article: Sign You Were a Parentified Daughter, And How it Can Show Up in Your Marriage).
Here is how those issues were showing up in my marriage:
Always apologizing
Find it hard to ask spouse for help or a favor- trying to always just do it myself
Getting angry when I can’t just do it myself
Forgo altercation or confrontation for the sake of keeping harmony
Low body esteem- not wanting husband to see me naked
Picking out my flaws- driving him crazy with self-criticism
When there is an altercation, I would always fixate on what I could have done differently- forgetful that he is a fault-prone human as well
Not feeling secure in my marriage, but like it is based on my performance
Didn’t feel I had value unless I was giving to others
Sounds pretty pathetic now that I’m reading it over. It sound like someone with very low self-esteem. But that is who I was.
Figuratively speaking, there was a little girl on the inside who stopped being guided, valued and nurtured and therefore did not reach some important social and emotional milestones in her youth.
And when we have this kind of brokenness, it’s almost as if the little girl stays on the inside always trying to get her needs met, scared that she might be found out.
Inner childhood issues and shame usually go hand-in-hand.
Conventional Inner-Child Work
Mainstream Inner Child Healing deals a lot with comforting, soothing, acting on behalf of, and even re-parenting your hurt inner child. The idea is you give her what she needed then, to help her get unstuck and move forward .
Almost as if you are taking her by the hand and walking her into adulthood.
I believe there are times when it’s appropriate to do things for yourself that other people never did, and that healthy and reasonable self-care should remain a priority for all women.
But I also believe that one of the biggest deceptions aimed at women right now is self-focus to the detriment of the godly priorities we are called to as women.
The Titus 2 priorities of our home, our husband and our children.
As Christian women, I believe we should not follow a me first model, but rather a me too one!
A Better Approach
I believe in a Christ-centered approach to life, and therefore healing as well.
None of us will ever understand fully what we went through and what our needs are today, but God is so good in that he does not require us to take “all the correct steps” in order to heal and thrive.
He simply tells us to seek him first, and he will add all the rest (Matthew 6:33).
That scripture is my story.
And as I have tried to deal with these certain dysfunctional aspects of my past- I have tried to do so in a way that does not put the problem or the healing at the center of my universe, but STILL HIM.
I have done a lot of work over the past year on “healing my inner child” and have even seen a therapist for some of this work.
When I’m processing new information I’ve read or learned, it’s always looked at in light of my faith in Jesus and his word. Nothing trumps my belief in HIM and his healing power.
And trust me when I tell you there was A LOT of eat-the-meat-spit-out-the-bones happening as I processed these issues from my past.
I was not able to find a whole lot of resources specifically for Christian women when it came to inner-child healing, which is why I created this resource below as a starting point for other women.
I hope you find it helpful in your own journey!
And more than that, I hope you know how deeply loved and treasured you are, and I wish you the best in your healing journey!♥
Healing Your ♥ When Your Family of Origin was Broken by Divorce
A FREE 7-DAY E-MAIL COURSE TO HELP YOU:
Identify deeply-rooted issues from your broken past
Find peace and trust as you allow God to surface these issues
Continually walk toward a full healing
Flourish in your marriage and home
Step out of old, ingrained thought-patterns and into the woman you were created to be!
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Three Timeless Trademarks of Ladylike Etiquette for Girls
When it comes to etiquette it can be hard to gauge what is unnecessary and out of date, versus what is timeless, important and still elicits people's favor.
We want to teach our daughters ladylike etiquette, but we also want it to fit with modern times and not feel out of place.
Here are three traits of ladylike behavior that never go out of style!
When it comes to etiquette it can be hard to gauge what is unnecessary and out of date, versus what is timeless, important and still elicits people's favor.
We want to teach our daughters ladylike etiquette, but we also want it to fit with modern times and not feel out of place.
Here are three traits of ladylike behavior that never go out of style!
1. A Joyful & Kind Heart!
Don’t gloss over this point because it really is the most important one!
The most beautiful, attractive, and timeless trait in ladylike etiquette is kindness. It is really the most attractive trait in anyone!
When people care and are mindful of us, we notice. We also notice when people are just looking out for themselves. And unfortunately, that is often the norm today.
Self-absorption and abrasive behavior are an absolute pandemic in our culture right now.
But because of that, nothing stands out and SHINES BRIGHTER than someone who is kind and a blessing to be around.☀️
A kind smile, an encouraging word, bending down to interact playfully and kindly with a tiny person- these little gestures stand out like a rose growing out of a thorny bush.
Kindness is an outward flowing of a deeper reality; a peace and gentleness of the heart.
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control."
If you're spending time with God daily and taking the time to soak up his word, there is no way you can miss the fruit of kindness.
We should be cultivating this within our own hearts, and exemplifying it for our daughters to learn!
What in the world is more ladylike than that?
2. Carrying Herself Confidently
Standing up tall, speaking with a loud voice, looking into people's eyes, being able to carry a conversation with people of different ages, backgrounds and beliefs; these behaviors mark confidence.
But these are things we must work at ourselves, so we can exemplify them to our daughters.
In my Ladylike Etiquette for Girls Mini-Course, I share a great technique for teaching your daughter how to converse with adults!
Learning how to have good manners and carry a conversation with adults will help win your child favor with those around her, which in turn will increase her confidence further!
And remember, the greatest work will come from the inside as we seek God’s blessing of a renewed heart and a purposeful life!
3. Cleanliness and Order in Her Life
A cornerstone of ladylike behavior includes a lightness and a freeness to notice what matters.
There is breathing room and space. There is order.
The opposite of this is someone who is overrun with busyness, haggardness, overwhelmed and has no neatness of person.
This might sound harsh considering that many women ARE completely overwhelmed with life responsibilities. This is not to say that the VALUE of this person is any less. We are each dearly beloved children of God no matter what our circumstances, or how clean our house is. (Thank God he does not judge us as the world does!)
But it is highly beneficial (and ladylike) to clear out the clutter and focus only on what really matters.
Simplifying our lives and possessions can lead to so much more freedom and space and allows us to be exceptional at the few things that really matter!
This is a true trademark of a ladylike demeanor.
I hope these points have helped to spark inspiration in your own journey to a more meaningful, peaceful and joyful life- and also have helped to guide you in teaching your daughter to be ladylike!
I Think You Will ♡
"I love this course! This course helps create meaningful conversations, fun interaction, and provides real life lessons. This type of knowledge has been lost on so many of our youth, ALL schools and homeschools would benefit from an etiquette class just like this one! THANK YOU!" ★★★★ -Ashley C., Mother of 4
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What Boys Need To Thrive
Sometimes it’s hard for a mom to understand the needs of her son. They can feel like a different breed of humans because, well, they kind of are!
As a mom of three boys and one girl, I can honestly say it has taken me a little while to really grasp what my boys need to flourish.
Sometimes it’s hard for a mom to understand the needs of her son. They can feel like a different breed of humans because, well, they kind of are!
As a mom of three boys and one girl, I can honestly say it has taken me a little while to really grasp what my boys need to flourish.
They each have such different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.
My 16-year old is quiet, observant and sensitive.
My 4-year old is bold, outgoing and fearless
And my 3-year old is silly, tender and shy
However, there is a common thread that runs through all of them. And just like girls have a few things that really help them thrive and flourish, boys are no different.
Here is what I’ve observed up close that has made them the healthiest, best versions of themselves.
And if you, as a mom, can focus on helping give your son these 5 things, you will see him thrive and start to grow into a more mature, grounded, confident, and happy young man.
1. A personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
If you want to set your son up for success in his life, this is the best thing you can teach him.
I have watched this turn so many mens’ hearts around, including my own husband’s in his 20’s.
His character did a complete 180, and now I am so proud and happy of the man he has become and is continuing to become. Becoming a Christian shifted his focus to God and others (instead of selfish pursuits) and has made him a great father, husband, man and friend- because he has put his life in God’s hands and is now following God’s ways and not his own.
I want my sons to be these kinds of men as well, and I’m so glad they have their father to set this example.
We have taught our sons about having a personal relationship with God mainly by doing these three things:
Reading the Bible with them since they were little. We always keep an age-appropriate Bible on hand for our boys to read with us or on their own. Our oldest son even had this cool lego Bible for a season and he LOVED it!
Praying together as a family. My husband and I are open with our kids about our faith, and we pray together often about struggles, before meals, for other people, or just because.
Talking to our boys about what it means to have a personal relationship with Christ. We encourage them to read their Bible and pray on their own, and teach them to tell God their deepest issues, struggles, fears, joys and celebrations. That’s prayer!!
2. Hard work
I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about hard work that is so good for boys and men of all ages.
It is something in how God wired them.
Teaching your son the value of hard work is so important, but even more important is setting up times and opportunities for your son to work hard.
Daily chores, especially ones that require physical exertion and being outside, like stacking firewood or mowing the lawn are great!
Our teenage son has had a lawn-mowing business for a few years now and every time he gets home from mowing a lawn, I can see the shift in his attitude. He is happier, more energetic and more respectful toward everyone in the house.
It’s like this magical switch that goes off from the hard work!
Team sports are another great avenue for your son to exert himself and work hard!
As much as your son might fight back at first and want to be lazy instead- it is SO important that you show him and give him the opportunity to work hard on a regular basis.
3. Respect Respect Respect
I typed it three times because this is HUGE for boys and men of all ages.
Just like our primary need as women is to feel loved, a man’s primary need is to feel RESPECTED.
And it is no different with boys!
I was guilty of applying this principle in my marriage (which turned things around drastically) - but not seeing how this applied to parenting my sons.
This book changed everything!!
If you have not already, you need to learn about this principle in both your marriage and your parenting. Period.
4. A few healthy relationships
Boys need people to shoulder-up with and do life alongside.
If they don’t have a healthy friendship or two, it will be very difficult to stay on a good path and thrive.
Help encourage healthy friendships with other godly young-men, so your son can build the courage, confidence and comradery he needs to walk tall on his own path.
Also, having a male role-model is extremely important.
Hopefully this is his father, but if not, do you best to help your son cultivate a relationship with a healthy male figure who can serve as a role model.
He needs to see what it looks like to be a man.
5. People for him to love and care for
Notice I didn’t say people to love and care for him (although that is important), I said people for him to love and care for.
When childhood gives way to young-adulthood, and your boy becomes a man, he will find a woman who he can work hard to protect, pursue and hopefully marry. That is a great thing!
Having the responsibility to love and care for other people gives men a sense of purpose and a reason to push themselves to aim higher and do better.
As a young man, this might take the form of younger siblings or cousins.
It is a good thing for your young man to have the responsibility of caring for these younger people to a reasonable extent.
If he does not have siblings to help with, help him cultivate big-brother type relationships with some younger people at church or in your extended family.
Encourage him to be a good role model to them and remind him every now and then that these younger children look up to him!
These conversations should always take place in a positive tone. I can’t stress that enough.
Above all, your young man needs to see that you believe in him, and that you like him!
So don’t forget to remind him often, and always try to come from a place of encouragement, belief in his character, and optimism about who he can become!
Two resources you might love!♥
Cell Phone Etiquette & Safety for Pre-teens
Give a shape to your dream >> FREE MINI- COURSE
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What Southern Women Understand About Men
My family and I are spending the week in a little coastal town in Georgia that we love!
Being a clean-cut, Christian family in the Northeast can feel lonely at times.
Here is GA, just seeing the genuine smiles and the polite interactions- the hey ya’ll’s and God bless you’s- is like fresh air to our souls!!
There is also a different kind of sweetness between men and women here.
My family and I are spending the week in a little coastal town in Georgia that we love!
Being a clean-cut, Christian family in the Northeast can feel lonely at times.
Here is GA, just seeing the genuine smiles and the polite interactions- the hey ya’ll’s and God bless you’s- is like fresh air to our souls!!
There is also a different kind of sweetness between men and women here.
This morning I was walking barefoot back from the beach, stepping carefully on the hot wooden walkway leading me away from the sand. I was soaking up the sunshine, the ocean breeze and the friendly conversations taking place around me.
As I passed a group of young people in their early 20’s heading toward the beach, I saw two young men each holding the handle of a GIANT cooler. The cooler was obviously very heavy, as they were carrying supplies for their whole group.
I overheard one of the muscular young-men jokingly say: “does anyone else feel like the beach is a mile away right now?”
The whole group snickered.
Then about 10 seconds later, I heard one of the young ladies say something that nearly made my heart leap out of my chest.😍
She said to the strapping young men carrying the cooler, in her sweet southern accent:
“I just want ya’ll to know that we appreciate you SO much.”
It was a small thing, really.
Something that could have easily gone overlooked.
But to me it stood out like a neon sign.
Why? Because I NEVER hear women say things like that where I’m from.
Where I’m from, it is culturally OPPOSITE for women to show respect, gratitude or appreciation for the strength of a man. And in some of the most “progressive” circles, it has become taboo to even acknowledge gender differences- let alone compliment them.
I have 3 sons, and do you know what each one of them likes and appreciates most from me?
When I watch and acknowledge how strong, fast, smart or good at something they are.
NOTHING makes them light up more than when I pay attention to and appreciate their skills and strength.
Men are no different.
They want to be appreciated for their strengths and skills. They want to serve and prove worthy of respect.
And when they get this kind of respect and affirmation from their lady, it’s like throwing gasoline on a fire!!! (In all the best ways.)
If your man does not like to serve you and his family, it could be because his efforts have gone unappreciated or undermined in the past. This makes men shell up.
Plus many of us never had someone teach us how to give praise, encouragement and respect to our man, so it just doesn’t feel natural to us.
I didn’t even know about this concept myself until I picked up Emmerson Eggriches book Love and Respect, which basically taught me this:
Just like we women have a deep desire to be LOVED, a man’s most basic need is to be RESPECTED.
It’s true.
So what do many women in the south know that we don’t?
They know how to treat men like men, and how to encourage them in that special way that only a lady can.
It is more in their upbringing and culture.
And in my opinion, it makes for a simpler, healthier and more easy-going attraction!☀️
A few resources you might love!
Putting Your Man in God’s Hands
A FREE 5-DAY GUIDE TO HELP YOU:
Let go of control and become the woman you’ve always wanted to be.
Have the courage to believe God’s word above your feelings.
Find the blessing of doing less
Cultivate the power of Respect
Learn how to draw up appropriate boundaries in your marriage.
How To Win Your Husband’s Heart Back & Have a Fresh Start In Your Marriage >> ARTICLE
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This is a personal writing project meant to express my feelings and thoughts, not to be used in place of God’s word. Anything good and true that I write is only because he has blessed and gifted me to do so, but I am a sinner, saved by grace, and am prone to weakness, bias, harshness and fault. I hope that my words can lead you to seek more of your own personal walk with Christ, because HE is only place you will find real TRUTH and satisfaction.